your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize