good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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