Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
