porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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