As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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