It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
