oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I'm at about main and main street
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
