The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
