am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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