he thought i was a dude.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
