I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
