i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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