what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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