I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
