Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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