When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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