and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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