bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
