Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
