you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
