I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
