I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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