My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Mom said you looked used
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
