i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
