No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
We have started to decorate penises.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
