So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
