So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
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I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
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Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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