She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
