My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
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no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
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So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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