Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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