My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Randomize
