apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
