Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
