They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
