Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
