Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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