I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
