he thought i was a dude.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
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It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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