I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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