@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
