Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
