This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
