He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Randomize
