How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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