I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
