not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Mom said you looked used
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
