does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
