she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
