I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
