That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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