video games are the ultimate cock blocker
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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