I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
