Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize