Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
