I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
