i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize