we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
