I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Randomize
