Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
