my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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