At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Randomize
