So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Randomize
