I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
