it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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