got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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